Part II Entering the Canyon:
Not long after this dream, I had a series of powerful insights. The first consisted of 3 short words: “Surrender for Emancipation”. This oxymoron jolted me so much so that I wrote it down and taped it to my fridge. The next insight came the night after my knee surgery. That night, perhaps still slightly under the influence of anesthesia and pain meds, I ‘saw’ every single lineage ancestor I’d known in this life along with people who’d passed on but whom I felt had in some way influenced me. I was not asleep but I experienced a knowing and powerful sense of multiple presences taking shape at the foot of my bed. Among the gathering were my dad, maternal and paternal grandparents as well as several aunt and uncles. In addition, a few friends, elementary school teachers and historical figures congregated as well. It seemed like a home-coming of sorts; not theirs but mine! Flat on my back, they wanted my attention! A sense of appreciation for their attentiveness rippled through me.
A couple of days later, another insight arose. I was sitting in the living room with knee elevated and thinking (as well as feeling) that perhaps I’d overdone it and pressured my knee to perform at bit sooner than it was probably ready to. Within seconds, I sensed the presence of five beings before me. On my right, the masculine side of me, I felt the presence of General George Patten and Nikola Tesla. To me, their essences represent some of the strongest masculine personalities in terms of drive, will and intellect. So strong in fact, their balance was depicted by the presence of three feminine essences: to my left stood a drama queen, a fairy godmother and the Hindu goddess Kali. I thought of the drama queen as the inner-personality who got ‘taken care of’ at the expense of all others…her way of receiving love and acceptance was to create some sort of drama. Next, akin to Glinda, the good witch of the north, was the inner-personality who magically took care of aches and pains with a star studded wand and some fairy dust. The third and most fierce essence was the inner-personality who stood ready to demolish ANYONE who stood in her way. The masculine essences were loved and admired by society, despite what appeared to be a lack of heart; but the feminine essences made me shudder! None of them represented anyone I truly wanted to emulate. But here they were, all contending to be heard and to be the managers of my healing process.
In that moment, I realized these essences are all a part of my inner-governance system. In the next instant, I heard myself ask aloud “Do you people ever talk?” Their silence was punctuated by their piercing eyes; and then this thought registered. “Oh, I need to facilitate this conversation!”
I cleared my throat, as if the dis-embodied energies in the room could hear! And then I realized that the only way to facilitate a conversation with 5 (or more) spirit essences is to go within and host a round table discussion. I knew how to do this; my entire career was spent facilitating conversations with disparate groups of people all over the country! And yet, it hadn’t occurred to me, until now, that my external reality is merely a reflection of my internal one!
In the time since, I’ve learned many things that are my truths: a) I am not crazy. 2) The dozens who made their presence known to me that night more than a year ago are former physical human beings whose souls or energies live on in the electromagnetic field that surrounds all that is; and 3) there are an infinite number of energies in the field that I resonate and can become associated with, but the choice is mine to seek them out and to ask each for their guidance. If I do not allow them each a voice, they will continue to influence my decisions whether I acknowledge them or not.
I’ve come to learn and to trust that these essences are a part of my collective – my inner governance system. A collective is not unlike a rock or stamp, tea cup or coin collection. We gather these items because there is something about them we prize; in some ways their collective energy helps us fill a need – a hole. A collective is also akin to a family – a biological/physical family, an emotional/heart family, a mental/intellectual family, a spirit/soul family. When we lose a member of our family, no matter how we choose to define the term, we feel its loss, often sharply and deeply; we are left with a hole.
It’s the same with spirit energies. We collect them consciously or unconsciously; either way, their wisdom and intellect, their vulnerabilities, attitudes and perceptions affect us, whether we invite them to the table or not – whether we set limits or boundaries on when, how and what they offer us. Not unlike a council, legislature, a congress or even a united nations, we need to convene them, create an agenda for our lives and manage the conversation so that we can make the best self-care decision for our WHOLE selves. Many of us as individuals are not doing this with our personal governance collectives; and if inner life is reflected in our outer life, it’s perhaps the reason why our institutional collectives are so dysfunctional!
Just as we cannot fathom Surrendering for Emancipation, we cannot achieve sovereignty without cooperation; cooperation means being accountable to our whole selves – our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves – our masculine, feminine and androgenous selves – our past, present and future selves – our young, old and middle aged selves – our animalistic, plant and crystal selves – our air, earth, water and fire selves. It’s Beautiful and it’s Powerful! It’s Time!
In Gratitude to the Purple Cloud Collective
Kat Beaudoin is a dreamer, storyteller, shamanic practitioner
and energy worker in Gardiner Maine.